You had to didn't you?

i wish you never touched me
never looked at me
never made me feel the way you do.
why do you have to be so complicated?
i delt with the fact that i couldn't be anything more
so well..
until you had to go and do it again
pretending to be all happy
pretending that you remembered
and it ment something
giving me that look
that knowing look that made me feel so good.
that now makes me feel so bad. 
so far away yet sometimes i feel like your so close
when you take the time to notice me
notice that i changed
i noticed that you changed too
i dont like this feeling
i dont like that stupid thought thats in the back of my mind
the one thats saying "maybe he only did it because he might care"
"maybe he only did it to cover something up"
i like the thought that tells me to give it up
that its nothing and will never be anything
but people tell me differently
and tho I want to believe that it will never be anything.
i still want more than anything for it to be something.
my stupid childish fantasys make me think that
and you do it too
you give my fantasys slight reality when you wont let me go
when you smile at me
sneaking smiles when shes around
but smiles none the less
what does it all mean?
why the hell cant you just talk to me
tell me its nothing
tell me its something
i just need to know.

'2000